he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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