That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
