Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
