The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
