Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
