I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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