"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
