She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
