Don't make out with my wife yet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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