help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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