so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
