Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
