so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
