I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
