Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
