And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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