3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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