once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
