I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
