The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
