I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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