OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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