There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
