PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
