Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
