Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
