kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
