Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
