She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
