dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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