he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
