everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My ATM looks so different sober.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize