you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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