Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
