No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
