But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
