his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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