omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
