oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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