Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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