So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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