its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
