I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
