Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
