I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
