i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
