Duck Duck Cougar?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
