I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
