the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
