I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
