i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
