Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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