I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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