i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
