My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
