shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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