I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
