Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
