I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize