okay pat passed out under dana's car
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize