Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
40s are totally the cure
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize